"Warm Our Hearts"

"God is a fire that warms and kindles the heart and inward parts. And so, if we feel in our hearts coldness, which is from the devil, - for the devil is cold - then let us call upon the Lord, and He will come and warm our hearts with perfect love not only for Him, but for our neighbor as well. And from the presence of warmth the coldness of the hater of good will be driven away."
—St. Seraphim of Sarov

I have been reflecting on what it means to be an introverted person. On the internet there have been a lot of memes explaining this exact thing, especially an introvert's need to have alone time in order to recharge and be able to give of themselves socially. Up until now I have completely agreed with this and still do for the most part.

Living in another person's home it is rather hard to find time where you can be completely alone with your own thoughts. After more than a few weeks of this I find that I am going beyond my tolerance for such and I am not the person I would rather be. One would think that the simple solution, for such an introvert as I, would be to find more alone time. But I can tell you from experience that does not solve anything and to the contrary I feel even a bit guilty about trying have more space from those people nearest me.

But then I remembered how Bishop Anthony would urge us to continue to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of others, to love them until we become like the Velveteen Rabbit, worn and threadbare and finally alive.

And there in the midst of my cold exhaustion I remembered God.

And I realized that I had fallen into a numb and frost-bitten spiritual life, with only the rhythmic evening prayers with the children breathing past my distracted heart.

And as quick as an arrow through the heart there began a kindling warmth, returning with it that daring strength that allows you to love despite all tiredness, all weakness, all emptiness - despite all else.


So you see those internet memes are only partially right. As an introvert you do need some time to yourself but that is certainly not what "recharges" you. What recharges you is a relationship with Christ, in regular and steady prayer. It is so easy for us as mothers, as wives, to devote ourselves to those we love and lose focus on keeping our own life thriving in prayer. Isn't it wonderful then that God not only warms our hearts "with perfect love not only for Him, but for our neighbor as well"! He restores to us not only our love for Him but also for our neighbor and sets aright the our relationships in the correct order of things. In this fashion we become tireless, strong and full - all those things we were desperately seeking in the wrong place and in isolation.

It seems I find myself in this position often and I become saddened that I have gotten back to such a low point.  However, the best lessons are learned by repetition. Thank God for that! Thank God for His endless love!